Unfucking the Dream

unfuckyourhabitat:

Raise your hand if this sounds familiar: for whatever reason, someone is coming to your house. And you’re in a complete panic, frantically cleaning whatever you can get to as quickly as you can, just so the house will be “company ready” for your guests.

Here’s a serious question, though: why do your guests deserve to have your house look nice more than you do? They’re only there for a small fraction of time; you’re there every day. Why don’t you deserve to have the place looking nice and neat and clean?

Maybe you think, “Oh, I’m just a messy person, so I don’t care about the mess, but my visitor will.” If you truly didn’t care, you wouldn’t be scrambling to clean up before someone crosses the threshold. You’re speed-cleaning because you do care, just not enough to make it nice for yourself. You need to cut that out.

Focus on making your house “you ready.” Bring it, gradually, up to your standards of cleanliness. Make it so that you’re comfortable, and so that you enjoy looking around your home. When you reach that point, your house will always be company ready. You’re the most important person who will step through your door. Try to make your living space reflect that.

unfuckyourhabitat:

Prevent the floordrobe!

This week, all clothing and shoes must be put somewhere that is not the floor, a chair, your bed, or a lingering laundry basket. Put your clothes:

• in the hamper,
• in your dresser/wardrobe, or
• in the closet.

What about clothes that aren’t “dirty enough” to wash? My opinion is that if it’s clean enough to wear again, it’s clean enough to put away. If that skeeves you out, designate a drawer or a section of closet or a hanging organizer in your closet where these not-quite-clean but not-quite-dirty clothes can go.

Of course, this weekly challenge builds on the one from a few weeks ago, where we learned that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit.

Accomplished the ‘put it away, goddamnit’ part of this yesterday when I did all my laundry. I whined about it to a friend first, of course, and loudly, but I did not give myself the option of NOT doing. And this is not the first time! 

I haven’t made a great deal of headway against my surfaces (read: none), but I am maintaining! I think I’ve finally got it into my head that laundry is a three-step processes. Finally. I’m even using my dresser! Which… I used to not because floordrobe. You know it’s a serious change when using drawers feel really weird and really novel, even after several weeks. 

One 45/15 and I have a floor in my closet again. As well as floor by my bookshelf (where some blankets were waiting to be put back into my ‘blanket bucket’ after guests) and space by my computer (where my suitcase was chillin’ after recent vacation). So lots of floor, generally.

Also found my vacuum. So there was vacuuming of aforementioned floor.

Threw out two pairs of shoes that had died and already been replaced. Threw out the detritus left over from building the weird triangle bins for the kitchen. Threw out random boxes from stuff Josh buys while he’s here and leaves next to the trash can. Not as much throwing out of stuff as I’d like, but everything’s back in its place again and, well, floor.

*dusts hands off* That’s all of my allotted cleaning power for the day. I’m more or less back to where I was last time I tried to form better habits. It was easier this time, I think. Bicycles and all that. I just have ‘surfaces’ left and a great deal of stuff to get rid of.

Thanks for the encouragement, UFYH. :)

I went on vacation the day after I posted last, which meant I didn’t get to try anything about cleaning and whatnot. Thank you for all the wonderful words of support! It’s really kind of comforting, I guess, to hear both encouragement and ‘omg you’re me’ from people. I’ve kind of marched to my own beat since forever, so just knowing that my issues are elsewise represented (you poor, poor people, you have all my sympathy) is really kind of novel. 

Now I’m back, though, and I’m trying out an idea. I’m not sure how effective it’s going to be, but I’m trying to be more aware of when I automatically categorize something as ‘don’t care, don’t worry’. I’m trying to add, “I may not care, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay.” to the thought. 

So far, the idea feels new-shoes tight and a little bit uncomfortable. I am balking at the thought that something I’m doing is Not Okay, because of my own interior makeup and my relationship with how I deal with stress.

Stress goes straight to my guts and makes me physically ill, so I’ve rerouted a lot of what would stress me (like, er - cleaning, because Reasons) right on past my give-a-fuck receptors. As a defense mechanism, it works really well to help me deal with scary, upsetting, or emotional situations by letting my reasoning skills kick in faster than they might otherwise, but it does backfire. Stress and concern can be appropriate responses and ‘I don’t care, I don’t need to worry’ can certainly, certainly not. (As a writer, I love it when personality traits have both awesome and suck sides, but goddamnit are they inconvenient as a real live person.)  

As for my ‘interior makeup’… that’s just a sideways way of saying that I hate being wrong. If I’m doing something Not Okay, it means I’m being wrong and that sucks. So I’m battling my sulky inner two-year-old every time I tell myself I’ve been doing it wrong, that how I decided to do something really isn’t the best way. So. Whine whine goddamnit, fuck everything. 

Basically, I’m having to tell myself that status quo is Not Okay and ‘I don’t care’ really shouldn’t be the end-all-be-all of my decision making process. There is such a thing as going too far in my efforts to avoid stressing myself out. 

I think what I’m really afraid of is swinging back too far in the other direction. I’m prone to extremes, and have a family history of dealing with anxiety by getting sick (that I didn’t know about until this year?! Thanks family!). I know that such a simple mental shift shouldn’t send me into a spiral, but I… don’t know. It’s a fear. I’m trying to reintroduce a bit of pressure/stress into my life to encourage change. My brain keeps shouting at it’s loudest and most sarcastic, “There is no way this could ever possibly go wrong!”

I’ve used my ‘I don’t care’ as a buffer against the anxiety I know that I could easily fall prey to for so long without conscious thought that modifying that protective coating feels really dangerous and risky. 

… I’m not sure it’s actually all that dangerous. My brain doesn’t see things the same way, obviously. Defensive mechanisms don’t really handle nuance all that well, I’ve found. Hell, I don’t even know if my not-giving-a-flip is even something I’m using to protect against my OWN anxiety or if it’s a mechanism against other members of my family’s anxiety and it’s something I’ve picked up that I really don’t even need in my current reality. I just don’t know. Answer hazy, try again later. 

*mutters* Change is hard.  

I think this whole ‘just because YOU don’t care’ thing is why the making-the-bed stuff is effective for UFYH. If you make the bed, you’re telling your subconscious that status quo is Not Okay at the same time saying But You Can Fix It! Making the bed DID help (though I’ve fallen out of the habit), and it… felt, mentally, the same way as ‘Just because you don’t care doesn’t mean it’s okay’ does: a little bit dangerous and a little bit mindful. It’s a positive message of change rather than a negative message of censure. 

Right now, though, I just need the perspective-shifting message of, “Dude, you’re doin’ it wrong.” In some ways I’m lucky. Telling myself I’m wrong doesn’t send me into an existential quandary, because my ego is a robust bitch whose can-do attitude puts Rosie the Riveter to shame most of the time. I know very well I’m capable of being fan-fucking-tastic and awesome at this. Done it before. Got accolades. Took pictures, got the t-shirt. I don’t doubt my abilities, I merely doubt my commitment.

I’m contrary as fuck. Another of those mixed-blessing personality traits. What that means is that if I’m wrong, well, I hate being wrong and now I have to do something about it. 

wyste:

unfuckingthedream:

Good news! I got rid of my old deskchair. It went to a good home with Eli’s dad, who is now a full-time copyeditor (like has been his dream for ages) and needed a sweet chair. Cheers all around! I have floor space and he has a comfy chair in good condition! 

I’m cutting the rest of bits, tho, because it could be triggery for people on the ufyh tag. I’ve been thinking a bit about stuff recently and have made some discoveries during my introspection. 

tw: discussion of both hoarding behavior and hoarding mentality

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Interesting! I love reading other people introspect, I hope you don’t mind internet strangers finding you neat.

Some thoughts for you:

How well would your space work for you if you got sick and couldn’t clamber?

How much effort would your spare stuff be if you had/wanted to move apartments/houses?

Do you have any friends who woud enjoy/do some of these potential projects, or who would do them with you?

Alternatively, I’m a big fan of having a set amount of space for ‘I don’t need this, but I like having stuff I don’t need, so I’m going to keep two boxes of stuff I don’t need over here.’ Minimalism doesn’t really work for me.

*laughs* I don’t mind! I mean, putting it on the internet means I’m writing for an audience, even if it’s an audience of, like, five, and I don’t expect responses. :) 

The questions are good food for thought, though, because I /am/ thinking of moving in the near future. The scary thing? I have less stuff than when I moved in. When my closet is clean, I have floor space and can actually walk into it, which was absolutely not possible before. Stuff has spots it can go. I got rid of a carload and more of stuff recently, and an entire /side/ of my closet worth of clothing that no longer fit because it was from HS.

My previous apartment I was in… I never fully unpacked. I just had boxes that I was going to ‘go through eventually’ sitting at the end of my bed. Since I never needed that space for anything else, it didn’t bother me. (*whumps head against wall*) 

I talk a mean game of ‘oh, I’ll just go through stuff and get rid of it’ and then don’t bother with it. Since my next move is going to be cross several states, though, I can’t afford to take the same attitude. Getting a storage unit for box of vhs tapes is… that way lies madness, to be honest. I know I am capable of paring down, but the mental jumpingjacks required is exhausting. It’s always been vastly easier to just consider it ‘not a problem’ than deal with it. 

Recruiting people works really well for me, though. My Grandma is /brilliant/ at getting rid of stuff. She’s ruthless. Having my Mother or Sister help is slightly less optimal, because I’m prone to reminiscing over stuff while they’re in the room. I’ve been trying to bribe a friend with ice cream, but I’m a pretty ridiculous introvert at the best of times, so having someone over means I have to mentally prep and allocate resources into being social. 

The recruitment thing, though, works because it’s not *quite* an accountability thing (accountability means someone else having authority to scold me means I will mess you up), it’s more like a catalyst thing. If there’s someone else in the room, it means I don’t take the same amount of time pouring thought into stuff I’m trying to clean/get rid of. I stop over-analyzing. Things go faster and I get rid of more. 

Heh, I do have my ‘treasure box’, too. My goal is to have everything non-essential but is something I still want to fit into the chest I got and decorated for college. It’s a work in progress. I need to do another pass over all my stored Things to see what I haven’t touched for ages. 

Also, my space would suck if I got sick and couldn’t wiggle. I’m in a third-floor apartment with no elevator. T_T 

So - hrm. I’ve kind of set up a lot of things that SHOULD be working for me. And they are. I’m more prepared to let go of things than I have been at any time in the last ten years. I’ve started giveing old project stuff to people who express a ‘I am going to buy this for this current thing I am doing’ need for things. (That has actually had some really cool results!) Because, again, it doesn’t occur to me that I can get rid of things or that I need to. It’s kind of the idea of the invisible corner. Only… all over, with the added confusion of ‘but what if I NEED it?!’. 

I think what I’m primarily trying to figure out is how to prod my brain into considering stuff-all-over as a problem in more than just an academic sense. Your questions are very sensible and, at the same time, I can FEEL my brain rationalizing them away. Cause, I mean, I’ve moved before with more crap than this, I’ve pared down a lot already, I have more floor space than I’ve had in years, and nobody cares if there’s stuff since I keep it out of their way so it’s only affecting me. 

Those are rationalizations, btw, in case it wasn’t clear. *scrubs face with hands* 

Maybe if I can convince my brain that it’s not just affecting me? My common areas usually don’t end up overflowing with junk because other people need to move and work there. They get messy, yes, but it gets regularly cleared because Space Is Needed periodically. I need a new frame of mind that isn’t, ‘I don’t care and it’s not affecting anyone else’. Suggestions welcome? XD

Good news! I got rid of my old deskchair. It went to a good home with Eli’s dad, who is now a full-time copyeditor (like has been his dream for ages) and needed a sweet chair. Cheers all around! I have floor space and he has a comfy chair in good condition! 

I’m cutting the rest of bits, tho, because it could be triggery for people on the ufyh tag. I’ve been thinking a bit about stuff recently and have made some discoveries during my introspection. 

tw: discussion of both hoarding behavior and hoarding mentality

Read More

unfuckyourhabitat:

SO MANY PEOPLE have done serious major unfucking lately, and IT’S AWESOME. I couldn’t be prouder. But once that initial high wears off, you need to focus on maintenance, or you’re going to end up right back where you started. I have a short list of things that, if you can make them habits, will prevent about 75% of the unfuckery that got you to the bad place to begin with. Bonus: most of these take one minute or less, and none are more than five minutes.

• Put your shoes and clothes away at the end of the day. Clothes in the hamper or hung back up, and shoes back in their boxes or wherever they live.
• Dishes: don’t let them hit the bottom of the sink. Wash them right away, or if you’re lucky enough to have a dishwasher, put them right in there. If you do this after using three or four dishes, you won’t get the terrifying pile of cookware and crockery.
• Wipe down the surfaces in your bathroom every morning.
• Put stuff back. This sounds so dumb, but when you take something out to use it, put it back when you’re done instead of leaving it on the counter or floor or wherever.
• TRASH GOES IN THE TRASH CAN. If you don’t have a trash can, hang a bag off a door handle. TRASH DOES NOT BELONG STREWN WILLY-NILLY ABOUT THE ROOM. It goes in the trash can/bag.
• When you come home, whether from shopping or a trip or work or school, put your bags away right away, before you do anything else.
• Do laundry at regular intervals. For some people it’s once a week, for others, it’s more. And most importantly, NOTHING STAYS IN THE DRYER OR BASKET. Everything gets put away before you move on.

Other suggestions for quick habit changes that can be done in minutes and make a huge difference?

I’ve dropped into maintenance mode recently (which means I’ve been following this list). Habits are AWESOME. Especially these habits. I have a floor. Still. The fact that I still have a floor is probably the only reason that I’m still managing to keep my apartment mostly unfucked while my enthusiasm for activity is at a low. I haven’t done a big project for a good week and then some, but I have a floor.

I’ll be over here, basking in the glow of an uncluttered floor, attempting to poke my brain into remembering that 20 minutes is totally doable.